If you know me, you know that I am NOT the one to make myself known in a room. I have never felt completely comfortable being the center of attention. Put a camera in my face, and I am likely to quickly cover the lens of the camera with my hands, using it as a shield of protection, trying to avoid myself & others from explicitly seeing my imperfections. For a long time, I have thought that this meant that I was humble--"I mean I ain't looking for people to be starring at me and giving them the right to judge me on the spot," is what I thought. Later, I came to an understanding that this mindset of mine was actually very prideful.
Being in the spotlight actually exposes you in many ways. For me, it exposed my heart. When all eyes were on me, I felt this pressure to put on this image of perfection--I had to speak in a certain way, react in a certain way, and look a certain way. If I did not believe I was going to present myself perfectly, I would back out on speaking up. I allowed my emotions and my negative thoughts to dictate the way that I viewed myself as a woman, friend, student and a daughter of the Most High King. Feeling fearful or nervous, to me, meant that I was not strong enough nor worthy enough to use my voice. I allowed those degrading thoughts of myself to define me in every kind of way, which affected every move I made. "You're not entertaining.", "Your story isn't BIG enough.", "Your voice is not loud enough.", "You do not have enough energy!", "You're just a nice girl, and that's it."--all thoughts that consumed my mind and made me SHRINK back. I surely did not have the right view of my flaws.
Your flaws and imperfections are not a curse. In fact, the LORD can and will use them for HIS glory. And you know what's even MORE crazy? The LORD will use your flaws and imperfections to perfect you IN HIM.
AGAIN, if you did not catch that.. The LORD will use you flaws and imperfections to perfect you IN HIM. That word, and many others, have set me free from self-consciousness, self-doubt, and self-reliance. The LORD had to get me real straight a couple of times, haha. If the only time I felt the willingness to speak up or present myself in front of people is when I had it ALL together, then that means I am denying my NEED for the Lord--His grace, His love, His mercy, His strength, and His wisdom. It's me telling Him, "Alright, build these skills in me, so when I go in front of people, I'll be SURE that 'I' GOT this." Guess what? Never happened. The LORD told me to speak even in the midst of my nervousness and fears, He told me to pray even if I felt unequipped to, He told me to SHARE even if my story is different from the others, and He told me to USE every good gift He has placed in me to serve others, even if I wasn't fully developed in those giftings.
Listen, your flaws and imperfections do not define you, but they will surely lead you to the feet of JESUS. Yes, we are some real flawed human beings. But man, there is beauty in our ashes because of JESUS. He seriously STILL loves me in my self-consciousness, self-doubt, and self-reliance. Sometimes I have days where I walk this out with no problems, and there are other days where it is HARD to walk this out. It sounds simple, even cliche to some, "Trust in God.", "You are forever worthy in Him.", "He is a constant help.", "His love is steadfast."--AMEN to all of that! But, sometimes it is challenging to believe in all of this, and it is tempting to fall into the lies of the enemy. This is why GRACE is so important. God will not condemn you for feeling the way that you feel, instead He will listen, cover you with His compassion, and strengthen you. His Grace reaffirms us even when we fail, and it gives us everything we NEED to glorify God. His grace is what we rest in when we make a step to honor Him, without relying on our own strength. It is in your NEED for God that you will be able to rise in the midst of hard pressing times. Our NEED for God leads us to submit to Him and to fellowship with Him in prayer and in worship--it is the only way we will succeed in all that we do. He is not looking for perfection in us, He is looking for us to REST in His perfection despite of our own imperfections.. He will be the one to do the work in US.
We need the right view of our weaknesses if we are going to engage in the spotlight. We also need to be aware of our NEED for God. True humility is found when we see the opportunity for Christ to be glorified in our weaknesses. The apostle Paul speaks on this.
2 Corinthians 12:7-10 "Because of the surpassing greatness and extraordinary nature of the revelations [which I received from God], for this reason, to keep me from thinking of myself as important, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan, to torment and harass me--to keep me from exalting myself! Concerning this I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might leave me; but He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you [My loving-kindness and My mercy are more than enough--always available--regardless of the situation]; for [My] power is being perfected [and is completed and shows itself most effectively] in [your] weaknesses. Therefore, I will all the more gladly boast in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ [may completely enfold me and] may dwell in me. So I am well pleased with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions and with difficulties, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak [in human strength], then I am strong [truly able, truly powerful, truly drawing from God's strength].
WOO! That. Is. A. WORD. Thank you Apostle Paul! To approach your weaknesses in that manner, is truly humbling. All I can say is, "LORD, Help me." It's honestly crazy because even in our LACK to walk and think the way that Paul did in this verse, Jesus is speaking verse 9 over us as well, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is being made perfect in your weaknesses." AMEN to that! My fears, insecurities, self-consciousness, doubts, inabilities, failures, inconsistencies and nervousness are not meant to dictate me, and they have NO power over me. It's also not a sin to FEEL these things, and I should not feel lesser because I feel these emotions sometimes--again, my emotions do not define me. But, they DO help me to rely on my Father in Heaven. They remind me that I NEED GOD, literally in every step that I take. I pray that the LORD will help you & I to walk in the freedom in this truth daily.
So, yes. I am imperfect, but my imperfections are there to grow my intimacy and reliance on the LORD, and they are there to allow the power of Christ to completely enfold and dwell within me. So, I CHOOSE to be vulnerable and reveal all the imperfect sides of me in the spotlight--allowing people to freely judge me and have their own opinions of me, while also being steadfast in the nonperishable identity that I have in Jesus, His LOVE alone is unshakable. Some days it is easy to do this, and other days it is not, but the Grace of God will overcome. I am fully known by God. I am worthy in Christ alone. I am His royal priesthood. I am perfected in Christ. I have the victory in JESUS. I am CALLED. I am LOVED by God. JESUS lives inside of me. I have the Holy Spirit. These are all declarations that are true and need to be proclaimed in our lives everyday. Here's the catch though... there must be a balance, and this is IT: It ain't all about you bruh.
Sometimes in our insecurities we seek for attention and validation from people. We want people to tell us who we are, so we can be confident or feel good about ourselves. We should NOT use the beautiful promises of God to SOLELY make ourselves feel good, and we should not ALWAYS WAIT for someone to declare those promises over us just so we can feel confident. MANY times we NEED to denounce those lies that may come into our hearts, and choose to WALK in the truth that is in the powerful and steadfast promises of God, EVEN if we do not feel it. One truth that all of us AND myself need to hold on to is: It's ALL about God's GLORY. I have to ask myself, "How can I USE my giftings, my personality, and simply the way that God has intentionally structured/made me to GLORIFY Him in the spotlight?" Sometimes I got to remind myself that I need to stop focusing so deeply within myself, and GAZE upon the BEAUTY of the LORD and be more driven to allow His GLORY to be shown through me. I am created to glorify the Lord with all that is within me, so I need to die to myself and do the will of the Father. Your insecurities can make you lose focus on what ultimately matters: God's Glory. He has given you all that you need to glorify Him--in your gentle spirit, in your ability to sing or dance, in your writing, in your stories, in your poems, in you being an extrovert or an introvert, and in your personality. We are called to USE everything within us to glorify the Father. You honor God when you simply.. BE YOURSELF. Do this in your church spaces, your bible studies, your school classrooms, your organizations, your home, your job, etc. All for the Glory of God.
Lastly, not only do we need a healthy view of ourselves, but we also need a healthy view of others. We are the church, and we are meant to take advantage of every opportunity that helps lead the church in unity, love, encouragement, truth and essentially the HEAD: Jesus. In the spotlight, we can use that opportunity to unify the church by being vulnerable, transparent, honest, encouraging, uplifting, loving, and more. Yes, people are more likely to judge you in however way they want to when you are in the spotlight, but guess what? We are not BOUND to people, we are completely free in Christ. So, the opinions of others will not change the truth--you are a Child of God & you are forever worthy in Him. Ultimately, we are here to please the Father, not people. Within this calling, we also need the lens of the Father to view people in love.
1 Peter 4:10 "Just as each one of you has received a special gift [a spiritual talent, an ability graciously given by God], employ it in serving one another as [is appropriate for] good stewards of God's multi-faceted grace [faithfully using the diverse, varied gifts and abilities granted to Christians by God's unmerited favor]. "
2 Peter 1:3 "For His divine power has bestowed on us [absolutely] everything necessary for [a dynamic spiritual] life and godliness, through true and personal knowledge of Him who called us His own glory and excellence."
The Spotlight is for you & I. To express the God that is within US, to Glorify GOD in our weaknesses, giftings, and personality, AND to build the church. May this be our focus at all times.
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